Monday, January 30, 2017

The Empathy Strikes Back

Photo taken at the Women's March in Washington by Wendy Rabinowitz
I read in Real Simple magazine that empathy is trending. But those streams of people hurtling off the Van Wyck, those pro bono lawyers camping out cross-legged in the terminal, the magnificent Judge Donnelly....that's not a trend, that's a major spike. That's the yeasty conscience of America rising up and saying NO. The news will not continue at that exhilarating pace, but something is definitely happening here. The action that some people are taking is lifted up by the empathy bubbling up from a great many more people.

Of course, like hot yoga and the paleo diet, empathy isn't for everyone. In his recent Tikkun article, "Normalizing Trump's Authoritarianism is Not an Option," Henry A. Giroux writes that the perpetrators of the invasion of Washington are engaging in "a demented appropriation of Ayn Rand's view that selfishness, war against all competition, and unchecked self-interest are the highest human ideals" and further, that going forward "compassion and respect for the other will be viewed with contempt." Up until now, it's been greed that has stumped me, left me shaking my head in bewilderment. How much is enough? How many Lamborghinis can one person drive? But this, this is a new frontier, beyond greed, beyond racism and misogyny, to the core of a Darwinian universe. Not only don't I care about you, but I have nothing but disdain for anyone else who might care about you. It's the twenty-first century law of the jungle, complete with twittering fiber optic cables strung from tree to tree.

Everything disseminated from Pennsylvania Avenue can now be traced back to a deep aversion to mercy, considered a symptom of womanish weakness. Pre-existing condition? Too bad. Immigrant from the wrong country? Shoulda been born in Omaha. Think you're entitled to free public education? Guess again. Take notice. There will be no more liberal mewling over equity or the plight of the less fortunate. Ridiculing a disabled person is now an acceptable form of theater. From now on, success will be calibrated in units of high-rise real estate and wattage of celebrity. If you don't measure up, your speech will be drowned out by the jingoist brass band and you will be herded into the stadium to cheer for the all-American winning team. If you don't fall in line, you will not only be considered a loser, but an enemy. Nikki Haley, the new American ambassador to the UN, made this clear when she intoned about the expectation that countries will either support any and all US positions or be put on a list. All communication contains an implicit "or else."

But the empathy strikes back. This is because it is fundamental to our humanity, as old as nursing mothers, as ancient as nourishment itself. Anyone who has ever been fed or offered sustenance understands the essential connectivity between people, the hunger to know and to serve. Right now, empathy is coursing through our veins after a consumerist dry spell. Lao Tzu says "Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield." Think of Steve Bannon as a boulder. Think of all of us eroding him until a few gifted and determined people knock him off the precipice.

Empathy is a bio-spiritual condition of being, a process that normally ebbs and flows like desire. It's always there waiting to be aroused, constantly on the alert for opportunities to replicate, to insinuate itself. Here's how I think it works in the everyday. A seventysomething friend tells me that after a period of uncertainty, she has decided to devote her remaining time to fighting for social justice. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. This takes place in between dance numbers at someone else's 70th birthday party and I am taken entirely by surprise. I have forgotten that empathy is the reason that people cry just as much at weddings as they do at funerals. Because it is not only about being willing to see other people's suffering. It is in the first instance about recognizing our shared humanity and how much we are alike, warmed by the same sun, breathing the same air. Palestinians in Dearborn breathe. Mexicans in Phoenix breathe. When cowboys in Washington try to round people up like so many farm animals, we all feel fenced in.

These days, empathy is a contagion that has spread rapidly, starting with our smallest private gestures and already resulting in millions of people marching on January 21st.  It is a flood of human connection, biblical in its proportions, already sweeping the country. There will be no reconstructing the city of indifference.This is how the species survives. This is how the planet survives. Empathy is the foundation of the resistance to tyranny.

Please share seventysomething with other interested parties. I welcome your comments on email, facebook or on this blog. If you do not have a gmail account, comment as Anonymous, but please tell me who you are in the body of the remarks. Click on comments (it will say how many there are), select Anonymous from the drop-down menu, enter your comment and hit publish. If you do comment, I will respond on the blog, so please check back so our conversation can continue.

18 comments:

Barry Dym said...

Susie, as usual, you've written a beautiful piece. I'm all for empathy, too, but it has little place in a Darwinian universe and it has little place in a zero-sum universe. In such a world, your winning means my losing and visa versa. We can't even imagine both of us winning. In such a world, there are winners and losers. Losers are the worst beings that Trump and his crew can imagine. He is contemptuous of losers. We need to paint a world in which all can win--at least in part--and all can deal maturely with losses. Without that capacity and without that world view, empathy will be nice but not decisive.

Barry

Susie Kaufman said...

Thanks for writing, Barry. I'm thinking of empathy as an underlying motivation, not really as a strategy. I'd like to think that some of the zero-sum folks are changeable but I'm not putting my eggs in that basket. I'm really concentrating on the empathy that drives people to occupy airports in support of immigrants and so on. This is our "secret weapon" that Trump literally doesn't know about. People are being roused out of their torpor by their caring,dormant for some time, emerging into the light of day.

Mitch said...

Great piece! I've been thinking a lot about empathy lately . . especially what I've heard called "circle of empathy". Everyone has empathy for someone (even the Ayn Randers, as I recall) . . but how far does the circle extend? One's children or nuclear family? One's co-religionists or tribe? Skin color? Gender? Born in US (or UK, or whatever)? All humans? Trump appealed to the very narrow . . those who believe strongly, as Barry Dym points out above, in the zero-sum universe. Social justice, and survival, depends on a broader vision.

Mitch

Paula Nowick said...

Thanks, Susie, for stimulating my thinking about the "fundamentals" of human nature. Empathy surely is one fundamental, but there seem to be others, among them the more intense drive to survive and protect the vital interests of oneself/family/tribe/country when threatened (by 'real' circumstances or 'irrationally perceived' circumstances.) Fear seems to trump generosity - and I have no idea how to change that.

Susie Kaufman said...

I agree entirely. I'm aware of people who are enormously loving within their immediate circle but don't seem to be able to see outside of it. The pie is only so big for that kind of person.....but really the size of the pie is limited only by imagination, focused effort, and loving creativity. There will be enough for everyone if we all open our clenched fists and use our hands for a more generous purpose.

Susie Kaufman said...

This seems to be the general drift of the conversation (see above). Some people feel open to the larger circle of being, less fearful, less defensive. Other people imagine a limited universe of opportunity that motivates them to concentrate on their own family, tribe and so on...without any sense of the larger human expanse. You may have some ideas about speaking to that divide. Yes?

Edwin Rutsch said...

For a cornucopia of resources on empathy see the Center for Building a Culture of Empathy.
http://CultureOfEmpathy.com

We invite you to join the International Empathy Trainers Association
http://j.mp/Empathy-Trainers-Association

warmly
Edwin

Director: Center for Building a Culture of Empathy

Susie Kaufman said...

Great to hear from you, Edwin. I look forward to checking out your website and finding out about your important work.

Safara said...

Beautifully written Susie a combination of raw intensity and gentle hand the opportunity for us all to find our voice in this collective consciousness that is running like the river and yes will take the bolder chizzle down to rock and then pebble returning it to sand where we all can land in safer ground. In solidarity Susie

deb koffman said...

so many things to say!!! first i love the kindness sign...yes yes yes, and the title of this piece...funny and poignant...and thank you (always) for shining a light on the dim and the dark...and i too believe empathy is fundamental to humanity...even if some arent 'tapped' in...i so desperately need the 'good' news, even its make believe....

Susie Kaufman said...

The need to write from a place of urgency and fierceness combined with embrace is great. Thank you for your loving reading.

Susie Kaufman said...

This is now my mission. To shine a light on the darkness while holding it all in the belief that we are good and worthy and deserve to be heard and acknowledged.

Alan said...

A great piece of writing, which really gets to the kernel of today's truths. Empathy is what is stirring us, and your writing brings it right to the surface. Thanks

Susie Kaufman said...

We just have to keep stirring the pot so the empathy bubbles up. We are all part of that effort. Thanks, Alan

Jinks said...

Oh Susie! Your writing makes me cry. I love your fierceness, and I love your eye for soul at the heart of the radical, empathic resistance. I love your seventy-something friend who has decided what she wants to do with her life. Thank you for being one of the beacons that reaches across the darkness to the other beacons of grief and longing. I love you. Jinks

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your article, Susie. I found myself noticing people on the subway in Toronto today in a more thoughtful, tender and compassionate way, people of all colours. This was a day or so after we learned that six Muslim men had been shot and killed as they completed their evening prayers at a mosque in Quebec City Sunday night. Madness seems to be growing like wildfire everywhere around us these days. But I noticed how different it felt to be more open, awake and aware of my fellow subway riders, it felt like being truly alive. May we continue to walk more gently around each other on our daily journey through life, and hold all beings with a bit more dignity, respect, and yes, empathy. Everyone has their story. —John (a friend of Jinks)

Susie Kaufman said...

People are discovering their ability to turn outward toward the grieving world. This entire period has turned the dial away from self-preoccupation and intoxication and toward a deeper experience of interconnectivity. Thank you, Jinks.

Susie Kaufman said...

Thank you, John. The story from Quebec City is so painful. The new American president can talk all he wants about building walls, but truly neither love nor hate has boundaries. In the light of that, the choice of being more "open, awake and aware" is not only the loving choice, but also the one more attuned to what life really is.